


The Leap

by Requin



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, First Time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-09 01:14:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12265917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Requin/pseuds/Requin
Summary: Bernie isn't kidding, she has been wanting to kiss Serena for weeks.





	The Leap

Bernie looks up at the grey sky and takes a drag, breathes in deeply. She messed up. She can feel it in her bones and the worse thing is, she doesn’t know how to fix it. Everything feels wrong, and it’s all Bernie’s fault. ‘Shouldn’t have kissed her, you fool. You’ve ruined everything, yet again,’ she thinks as she watches the resident pigeons. 

The wind picks up and despite her hoodie, Bernie shivers. She won’t be able to stay up here long. Serena might not want her but the ward certainly does. They’ve been so busy lately. The word had gone out loud and clear about the new Trauma bay, and the red phone rings all the time now. Bernie doesn’t mind. It’s what she’s best at. The steady stream of patients allows her to forget how she’s screwed up the best part of her life. 

She stubs out her cigarette and goes down the stairs two steps at a time. Maybe they’ll get a tricky surgery and her mind will be sufficiently distracted. 

Bernie doesn’t know if it’s the kiss they shared, but she’s been noticing Serena a lot more recently. She’s always paid attention to her, of course, but it’s like Serena is glowing, has a spotlight trained on her at all times, and Bernie can’t help following her with her eyes, knows where she is at all times. Bernie might be a fuck up, but she’s not stupid. She knows what it means. 

She is in love with Serena, and probably has been for some time, maybe ever since she saw Serena having engine troubles in the hospital car park. 

She carries that knowledge, that shining, bright feeling, everywhere she goes.

She would have been happy to continue like this, watching Serena from afar, being her very best friend, her favourite colleague, her drinking buddy, if not for the overwhelming need to touch her. It’s very distracting. It reminds her of when she’d first noticed Alex, her icy eyes, the sharp line of her jaw, before Alex had slammed her against a wall and kissed her roughly. Every time Serena brushes against her, she has to ball her hands into fists to keep herself from reaching out. Every time Serena smiles at her, she has to remind herself of how uncomfortable Serena had been after their kiss, how terrified she’d been, how she’d wished herself dead. 

Serena just wants to be friends. Bernie will be whatever she desires. If that means taking cold showers and getting herself off every night imagining a low voice moaning her name, then so be it. Bernie understands the rules. She is a soldier, after all. 

 

Albie’s on a normal Tuesday night. Bernie has dutifully bagged a table and ordered red wine. Serena spots her and smiles, and Bernie steels herself for another night of behaving. Serena is back to normal after days of skittishness and wide eyes. She smiles easily, touches Bernie on her wrist and shoulder, laughs freely, her head thrown back. Bernie is glad she hasn’t destroyed their friendship. She wouldn’t have forgiven herself. When Serena drawls out the punchline to a story, Bernie knows she will take that sound to bed that night. She knows what words that husky voice will say. She knows she won’t last long. 

 

Serena assists when a builder comes in with a crushed leg. He is in shock and throws up all over Serena and her nice clothes. Bernie sees her sigh and head for the lockers. She comes back in scrubs. Bernie knows Serena hates wearing them, finds them baggy and cheap, but Bernie has a weakness for them. She likes the V neck and the little sleeves that show Serena’s collarbones and arms. The builder keeps his leg after a couple of hours in theatre. Serena keeps the scrubs on, and her face is free of make-up, her skin pale. She is beautiful, so lovely that Bernie’s heart aches. 

 

Saturday night mayhem. The red phone rings with an RTC, then two hours later, with another one. Bernie works by Serena’s side, their fingers brushing inside a woman’s chest, and when they save everyone, Bernie allows herself a touch, a single one, a squeeze of Serena’s bare wrist. She takes the sensation home with her too, knows now that Serena’s skin is as soft as her lips. 

 

Serena’s house is bigger than she expected. She doesn’t get to see much of it at first, because Serena leads her straightaway to the leaking sink in the guest bathroom. There is nothing that suggests Serena in there, it’s all neutrals, but as Bernie puts her head in the cabinet under the sink, she spies a pile of unopened bars of soap and they smell like her. She hears Serena moving behind her so she tells herself to get a grip and reaches for her tools. But she can’t un-see the brand, and her silly, treacherous brain takes in the information and she has to physically restrain herself from buying it the next time she’s at the chemist. 

 

She’d forgotten how tactile Serena is. With the ease in their friendship returned, Serena keeps touching her. She lets their fingers brush while they exchange charts or cups of coffee. She puts her hand on Bernie’s lower back when they stand together at the nurses’ station. She stands so close to Bernie at Albie’s or by patients’ beds that Bernie is afraid Serena will hear how fast her heart is going. She’s happy that Serena feels comfortable with her again, but this is verging on torture. 

 

Raf’s been looking at her strangely, like she’s an exotic parrot or a difficult problem to solve. His eyes keep sliding towards her and then to Serena. She’s about to confront him as they’re sharing a drink in Albie’s, but he beats her to it. Serena is at the bar, laughing at something the bartender said. Bernie’s heart squeezes painfully. 

“So, where do you want to punch him?” Raf asks with bright eyes and an easy smile. 

Bernie feels her eyebrows rise. 

“Or would you slap him? I just figured you would be a punching kind of girl.”

Serena comes back before Bernie can answer. She feels all out of sorts, panicky at having been laid bare when she thought she’d behaved. 

“Punching kind of girl? Bernie?” Serena asks and Bernie wants the ground to swallow her up. 

She looks at Raf and implores him silently to keep quiet. Raf laughs and puts his hands up. 

“I was just asking the Major here if she ever had to go through hand-to-hand combat training,” he says pretty convincingly. 

Bernie breathes again, and she steers the conversation to military training. The answer is yes, she has, and she can think of three different ways to kill that smug bartender. Serena doesn’t need to know that, though. 

The next day, Raf corners her in the locker room. She’s had a difficult day. A tricky surgery where Serena had disagreed with her. She’s tired and she just wants to go home and to bed. Raf, however, has other ideas. 

“So,” he starts as he opens his locker. Bernie tenses. “How long have you been in love with Serena?” 

Bernie exhales and a shaky laugh rises in her throat. It actually feels good to hear it out loud, and there is no judgement in Raf’s voice, just curiosity. 

“Months,” she answers truthfully, because it’s nice to finally admit it. 

Raf looks surprised, and Bernie can’t figure out if it’s because she actually answered or if it’s at the time. She feels lighter than she has in weeks. 

“You should tell her,” Raf says. 

Bernie lets out a hollow laugh. 

“I don’t think so, no,” 

“Why not?”

“We, uh, kissed a little while back, and she was very uncomfortable,” Bernie says, a hard pit in her stomach at the memory. 

Raf’s eyes widen. Bernie shrugs, her mouth set in a tight line. 

“What did she say?” Raf asks. 

In for a penny, Bernie thinks. 

“That she was terrified, that she wished she was dead,” Bernie says in a bleak voice, the horrible word coming back to her. 

Raf frowns. 

“That sounds a little dramatic, even for Serena,” he says with the weight of Serena’s friendship behind his words. “She was probably a little surprised, I mean, she’s been telling everyone you’re her best friend. Can’t stop talking about you. It’s all ‘Bernie did this’ and ‘Bernie said that’ and ‘how incredible is Bernie?’ You should see the way she looks at you, Bernie. I think you should tell her.” 

Bernie lets herself hope for the first time. Raf pats her shoulder, smiles encouragingly. 

“Thanks,” she says softly. 

After that, thoughts of telling Serena consumes her. She does notice Serena spends a lot of time watching, across the ward or their office, and that she touches her a lot even for a tactile person. It’s hard not to read anything in that. 

She’s a little lost and Raf keeps winking at her. Bernie knows she’s no great catch, though. She’s on the wrong side of fifty, has a bad back and a patched up heart, lives in a dingy flat, smokes too much, eats whatever, works too much, and is pretty awful at relationships, if her marriage and Alex are any indications. Why on Earth would Serena want to be with her? Marcus hadn’t, Alex hadn’t either. She’d fallen short on both counts. Why would it be different with Serena, who is kind and clever, and is a good person? She knows Serena deserves better, the best. Someone brave enough to shout their love from the rooftops, someone Serena would be proud to show off. Not Bernie. She’s barely whole. Even if what Raf said is true, Serena deserves better. 

Serena invites her to watch Planet Earth. Jason’s been talking non-stop about migratory birds and asking her which ones she’d seen on tour, and Serena happens to hear them and now Bernie is sitting next to Serena on her sofa. She has a glass of wine, her shoes are off, and David Attenborough’s voice is soothing. She feels very cozy and happy. Jason is in his favourite armchair, ranking the animals according to a set of criteria, and Serena keeps making dry comments that make Bernie smile. 

“Surely the crocodile should go up after that, Jason. I mean he demonstrated ambush skills and shrewdness,” Serena says. 

“Auntie Serena, again, you are giving animals human traits.”

“Well, he looked shifty,” Serena grumbles. 

Bernie laughs. She could do this every night. She feels at home for the first time in ages. 

Jason leaves them after the show and bides them good night. Serena dims the lights, tops up their glasses and sits back down with a pleased sigh. She’s a bit closer. They are both off the next day, Bernie sinks back into the cushions. 

They talk a little about work, something about Morven, and then Serena tells her a funny story about Elinor and she laughs and looks so beautiful, Bernie’s heart soars. She must have let her guard down and something must have shown in her eyes, because Serena stills. 

Bernie is about to mumble something about leaving, when Serena puts a hand on her wrist. Bernie looks at the slender fingers, the pretty manicured nails, and doesn’t dare look up. She curses herself, is ready to deny everything and leg it, but Serena takes her hand in hers. Her heart stops. 

“Hey,” she hears Serena say. 

She looks up then and her world becomes Serena’s eyes. She doesn’t see anything else. Serena is looking at her like no one else ever has, like she’s beautiful and holds the answer to everything. She stops breathing. Her head spins. Hope blossoms in her chest. 

“Serena,” she whispers a little brokenly. 

Serena smiles and leans forward and they’re kissing and how could Bernie have lived without Serena’s lips? She slips her arms around Serena, holds her close, opens her mouth, gasps when she feels Serena’s tongue against hers, almost comes when she hears Serena whimper. It’s the most delicious sound she’s ever heard, and she vows to dedicate her life to making it happen again and again. 

When Bernie thought of Serena late at night, guiltily imagining all the things she wanted to do to her, Bernie always pictured herself as the aggressor, the one who would instigate things and take charge. But here she is, pressed against the cushions, Serena moulded against her, Serena’s hands buried in her hair and tugging, barely stopping for breath. 

Bernie can’t believe Serena might want this, but when Serena almost rips her shirt open, she has to re assess. 

“God, you’re beautiful,” Serena gasps, her eyes wide and her pupils blown. 

Bernie feels herself flush, ducks her head, laughs a little, embarrassed. Serena puts a finger under her chin and forces her to look at her. 

“Let me show you,” Serena says. 

And she kisses her slowly, bites Bernie’s bottom lip, her hands roaming on Bernie’s skin without hesitating. Bernie moans, and that seems to spur Serena on, her movements more frantic, and suddenly she is straddling Bernie and there could be an actual fire, Bernie is not stopping. She slips a hand on Serena’s lower back, the other hand cupping Serena’s neck and their kiss becomes heated, a blur of tongues and teeth. 

Serena arches her back and her hands find Bernie’s breasts, making Bernie moan and pant. 

“Will you stay? The night?” Serena asks in a voice so low Bernie feels it vibrate against her skin. 

“Are you sure, Serena? Because I don’t think I’ll be able to stop, and…” Serena puts a finger on her lips. Her eyes are dark and smouldering and Bernie gulps.

“If you don’t take me to bed right now, Berenice, I’m going to die,” Serena says. 

Bernie growls, her brain on fire, want pooling low in her belly, and she gets up, takes Serena with her, and kisses her roughly. 

It’s like all her prayers have been answered. Serena wants her. Desires her. Needs her. Presses kisses on her skin like she can’t stop, and Bernie manoeuvres them against a wall at the bottom of the stairs and crowds Serena, her hands making short work of her blouse, her mouth on Serena’s neck, drawing delightful whimpers. She tastes so good, smells even better, and her skin is soft and sensitive, especially below her ear. 

“Take me upstairs,” Serena rasps. 

It hits Bernie like a train that they are actually going to do this, that Serena is going to let her touch her. She breathes in slowly, nods, bites back a gasp at how well-kissed Serena looks, and gathers Serena’s fallen blouse. 

“Wouldn’t want to freak out Jason,” she explains a little sheepishly. 

Serena looks at her, and Bernie thinks she’s made a mistake, but then Serena grabs her hand and hauls her up the stairs. It’s dark up on the landing but they don’t pause to turn on any lights. Serena pushes a door open and drags Bernie inside. It’s dark in there too, but the curtains are open and Bernie can see a large bed and wooden furniture that match, before Serena kisses her, her mouth hungry. 

Bernie doesn’t even where to start, she’s thought about this so many times. She wants to take it slow but also wants to ravish Serena from head to toe, wants to find out what makes her scream. 

In the end, Bernie brings her hands to Serena’s waist, slips her fingers under her top, her heart skipping a beat when she feels how soft Serena is there. She needs to see more. She hauls the top over Serena’s head, her eyes instantly on Serena’s generous breasts, the dip of her waist, the lovely collarbones. 

A feast. Serena is a feast for her hungry soul. 

“You are magnificent. Perfect,” she whispers with wonder colouring her voice. 

Serena lets out a breathless laugh, her teeth glinting in the street light. Bernie cups her cheek, kisses her with all the love trying to burst out of her chest, spins them around and her knees hit the bed. They tumble down and Bernie looks up to see Serena above her, a thigh between her legs. Things get a little hazy after that because Bernie discovers just how much Serena loves having her nipples licked and bitten. Bernie is drunk with with the sounds Serena makes, a sort of raspy whine that drives her insane. She manages to get Serena’s trousers off, flips them over and suddenly Serena is naked under her, looking like she’s two seconds away from coming. 

“You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen,” Bernie says in Serena’s neck, her hands caressing her breasts. Serena gasps and bucks, her eyes dark. 

“I’m going to make you feel so good, going to kiss you everywhere,” Bernie continues to say and she nips Serena’s earlobe. 

Serena moans, her hands clutching Bernie’s shoulders, her hips moving in search of contact. 

“I’ve been wanting to do this for so long, I’ve been thinking about you and your eyes, and your smile and your hands, “Bernie says and she slips a hand between Serena’s legs. 

She moans when she feels how wet Serena is. Serena closes her eyes and wails, her body taut like a bow. It’s the most erotic thing Bernie has ever seen. Serena feels incredible, all silky heat, and Bernie just has to see. She slides down Serena’s body, spreads her legs gently, ignores the gasp coming from above and groans at how swollen Serena is. 

“So perfect. All of you, every inch of your body,” she whispers against Serena’s thigh. 

“Please, Bernie. God, please,” Serena babbles. 

There is no way Bernie can resist that. She leans in and licks and sucks, her fingers setting a rhythm her mouth is only too happy to follow. She has to hold Serena down to keep her on the bed, and she listens avidly as Serena screams and wails, and then, wonder of wonders, she hears a low keen and feels Serena flutter against her tongue. 

It’s more that she could have possibly imagined. She feels 10 feet tall, her heart is full of love, she is dizzy with pride.

Serena looks wrecked and breathtaking and Bernie takes her in her arms, peppers kisses on her face while she gets her bearings. They lie flushed against each other, breathing erratic, silly smiles on their faces. Bernie doesn’t think she’s ever been this happy. 

“What…that was…I knew you would be incredible,” Serena says after a while. 

Bernie smiles, incredibly smug, her fingers tracing idle patterns on Serena’s bare shoulder. 

“You are also incredibly overdressed,” Serena notes with a raised eyebrow. 

Bernie’s heart speeds up at the predatory look Serena is giving her. Serena manages to remove her jeans and her bra before Bernie stills her with a hand on her wrist.

“You don’t have to, uh, I mean, it’s ok, I’m…” she stammers. 

Serena kisses her and lays her back down. 

“I want you,” she says softly against her lips. 

Bernie moans and nods, overwhelmed at the feel of their naked bodies sliding against each other. Serena smiles wickedly, settles between Bernie’s thighs like she’s always belonged there, their breasts pressed together. 

“Oh, you feel so good,” Serena whispers. 

Bernie watches intently as Serena caresses her breasts, whimpers when she bends down and takes a nipple in her mouth, the sight sending a white hot stab of pleasure between her legs. Serena seems to take a great delight in watching her fall apart under her mouth and her hands. Her eyes shine in the dim light, and she stares and stares as Bernie gasps and moans. 

Bernie thinks she’s going to come just from Serena sucking her nipples but mercifully she stops and draws herself up until her mouth is just next to Bernie’s ear. Bernie shivers. 

“Can I touch you?” She asks, and Bernie is confused, because what does she think she’s been doing? But then Serena trails a hand down her body and she understands with a jolt. 

“Yes, please,” she says, and the need in her voice must have been obvious because Serena chuckles, the vibrations raising goose bumps on her neck. 

She lets Serena explore her belly and her thighs, shaking with want. And finally, time stands still, Bernie waits with bated breath. 

“Oh god, Bernie, you are so wet,” Serena whispers. 

Bernie whines, as much form the words in her ear as from the sensation of fingers caressing her. 

“Tell me what you like,” Serena says against her neck, her teeth grazing the skin under her jaw. 

Bernie can’t think. She has a hand clutching the sheets and another buried in Serena’s hair, and her hips are moving and she can’t stop. Serena is barely touching her, yet Bernie feels dangerously close to the edge. She tries to form words but only raspy moans come out. 

“You feel so good, Bernie, so good. Tell you me how to touch you,” Serena says again, sucking a sensitive spot under her ear. 

Bernie gasps, her hips rolling. 

“I…circles, yes, like that, oh god,” and that’s the only thing she can say for a while. 'Oh god' over and over again. 

Serena does not hesitate. She gives Bernie exactly what she wants. She uses her thigh to press her fingers firmly against Bernie and her mouth is relentless on Bernie’s neck and collarbones. She uses her teeth, leaves marks. Throughout it all, she talks, her voice low and slightly feverish. She tells Bernie just how much she wants her, how beautiful she is, how crazy she makes her. 

Bernie can only hang on for the ride, desperate to last as long as she can, already addicted to Serena’s touch. She pulls Serena up for a hard kiss, their bodies intertwined, and Serena gasps and wrenches their mouths apart. 

“I love you. I am so in love with you,” she cries out. 

Bernie tumbles over the edge, comes with a scream, and her head slammed back against the pillows. She is shaking all over and she can’t breathe. She gathers up Serena in a bone-crushing embrace and buries her face in Serena’s neck to ride out the waves of pleasure that are making her limbs tingle. Serena holds her tight. She can feel Serena’s heart beating and smiles at how fast it’s going. 

She can’t believe they’ve just done this, can’t believe how lucky she is, that Serena loves her. Loves her! Her heart is so full, surely it must burst. 

“I love you too. So much,” she whispers against Serena’s cheek. 

She feels her smile, looks to check, sees how wide and brilliant it is and they grin at each other for a while, kiss some more, limbs entangled and moving slowly against each other. 

Suddenly Serena stills and she groans. 

“I’ve just remembered Jason. Oh god, I hope we haven’t kept him up,” she says. 

Bernie laughs, muffles the sound in Serena’s hair. 

“I’m sure he’s alright. If he isn’t, he’ll let you know tomorrow, and ask you lots of questions,” Bernie says with a chuckle. 

Serena groans again. 

“Well, you can bloody help, Major!”

Bernie snuggles into her and hums her assent. She would walk into fire for Serena, surely she can field a few embarrassing questions. 

“Bernie?” Serena asks after a few kisses. 

The urgency is gone, but Bernie can feel desire building again. She looks up and sees a bit of uncertainty in Serena’s eyes. 

“The things I said, after we kissed…I was just overwhelmed. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t realised,” Serena says quietly. 

“Realised what?” Bernie asks. 

Serena smiles ruefully, her eyes warm again. 

“That what I was feeling for you wasn’t just friendship. I thought you were just my best friend, and then you opened my eyes, and I thank you for that, for taking that chance.”

Serena is so earnest that Bernie forgets for a second that she was actually a complete coward. 

“I know you said we should forget about it afterwards, but, that was ok too. It gave me a chance to really think, and I want this Bernie. Us. I want to try. Because I love you so much,” she continues. 

Bernie just has to kiss her. Her fearless Serena, her perfect, forgiving Serena, who is willing to overlook her flaws and only see the good in her, who has decided Bernie is enough, and who loves her. There is only one thing she can say in return. 

“I’m in. All the way.”


End file.
